Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
