The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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