I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you didnt know i had herpes?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
