A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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