the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
