She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
