Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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