This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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