Im at strip club and am horny
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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