Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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