Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
