dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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