how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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