Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
