I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
