The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
