You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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