i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
