dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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