Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
