I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
