I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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