You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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