Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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