hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
