i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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