lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no you cant smoke seaweed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
