I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
