He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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