so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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