she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
