Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
