Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
