Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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