Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize