Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
