I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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