i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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