i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A+ Viking dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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