Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
