This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
