I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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