whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
