Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to align my fucking chakras
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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