Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
