at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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