I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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