I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
