Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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