she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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