He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
