Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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