You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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