even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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