just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
