Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize