She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
