did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
