Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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