Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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