Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
