She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
