How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh god it's open bar.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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