I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
