if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
