I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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