i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
