Can i not drive my cunt home
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is my gift to your gina
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
