So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
