how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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