i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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