I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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