wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
