my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
