I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
be right there i have to get my cape
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
