they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
