You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize