it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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