I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will pee on everything he values.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
