God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
