Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
