dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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