i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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