I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
