Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
