I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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