If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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