Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How external is "for external use only"?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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