I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
