I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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