Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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